Thursday, October 06, 2005

Growth and Introspection

I'm going to pause and wax philosophical tonight, in part because this blog has taken over where my personal diary left off, and has become a forum in which I can build a foundation. Gosh, I'm not finding the right words here. Okay, have you ever had someone tell you something about yourself, and it took you yourself forever to figure out the clues, when outsiders could see it all so clearly? Like how a couple of years ago I attended a wedding (this is in my 100 things about me page, that is how profound this experience was), and there was a man in attendance who I had known in high school (over 25 years prior). He introduced me to his wife saying (God this is awesome), "this is Barb, she is so gifted with communication, that everyone in the room is a friend." Huh? I only recently realized that my ability to talk to anyone, anywhere, was a gift. He had known it all along, and was shocked that I had only recently realized this. Anyway, tonight my friend debs and I were talking on the phone, and she said she loved my blog and visits it all the time (which I hugely take as a phenomenal expression of support). She said no WONDER we're friends, because most everything I post makes her "haaaaahhhhh" (how do you spell that kind of gasp that goes up an octave at the end?). She said everything is so interesting. She said I (emphasis) am so interesting (I laughed and said, would that a man would feel that way, but I digress....). And the point of all this is not to brag, because God knows I struggle with insecurities above all else, but the point is that I have latched onto blogging so intensely because it has become a tool to build back my confidence after a long term boyfriend pulled a surprise exit a year ago. Too, it is thrilling because I am fully able to be myself. I share what I want to , I explore, I ask questions, I learn, I find inspiration...In the six months that I have been blogging (that's all!) I have learned html codes, I have been inspired to create new projects and finish old ones, I have talked with several women who share my interests...and it has all just slowly built up something new and fresh for me. I started freelance writing during the same time period, and it blows my mind that they (that great big world out there that includes my editors) accept me, barely edit me, and that I can honestly work in my field of choice. Good things are on the horizon. I'll add a few lyrics from Gavin DeGraw because they are swimming around in my head.
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me


Anonymous Anonymous said...


6:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good for you... you go go girl..go!

7:52 PM  
Blogger quiltpixie said...

I fell across your blog through another's link, and now have it linked myself. Keep up the great work, you are inspiriing people whether you know it or not!

7:00 AM  
Blogger Gina E. said...

I am also entertained and amused by your blog Barb - your friends are right about you. You sound like you would be fun to meet in person!

6:30 AM  

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