Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Bringing Sexy Back

Many of us, especially women, turn to food in times of stress, depression, or boredom.
Emotional eating is used like a narcotic to self medicate.
Impulse eating is what I think I need RIGHT NOW, versus caring about true nourishment for body or soul.
And all that emotional eating leads to weight gain, which impacts self hate...and it's a vicious circle.

After my dad died in 2003, and my boyfriend pulled a surprise exit a year later, my weight shot up about 60 pounds.
I wouldn't exactly say I shut down, because I continued to grow emotionally and gain strength in terms of how I felt about my own character, but I lost interest in putting myself out there into the dating world, and I lost interest in being the best I could be physically.

Finally, earlier this year I decided to enroll in a nutrition school, basically as a mentor to get me to a better place.
In the meantime, my ex-boyfriend belated figured out he had made a mistake, sought me out, found me, and said,
"I lost you once, I don't want to lose you again."
So we're back together (!!!), and surprisingly, my weight gain doesn't bother him.
It bothers ME though, and I want to get back to a healthy place.
I decided, however, to embrace my weight at the present, and have some boudoir photos taken.
Might be a nice little giftie for said boyfriend for his upcoming birthday.
The steps to get there were all about self care: I got my hair cut and highlighted, my nails and toes manicured and painted, my eyebrows tinted and waxed, my ears re-pierced, and I bought some new lingerie.
It was all somewhat magical.

I saw this absolutely amazing post by Health Coach Cora Poage on Michelle Perrone's website, about body image.
Her comments rang so true for me, having experienced similar circumstances when I was younger that carved wounds in that nasty chatterbox in my head that continually tells me I'm not good enough.
You know that voice--we all have it, and we all need to learn to ignore and quiet the noise.
Cora says, "I began wearing looser clothing with less shape, dark colors (Nun-esque). I tried to hide my curious and confident Spirit behind a demure smile and quiet presence. I attempted to 'blend in'. I started working out as much as possible to straighten out the curves. Sexy was my enemy. I was playing very small. In other words, I stopped being ME. I let one man's random comment keep me from experiencing the fullness of who I am, my Wholeness."

It saddens me just reading that, knowing I did the same for years and years.
But, like Cora, I'm finally coming back into my own.
Cora says, "My Sexy is part of my Power. As a woman, this is my Divine Birthright."

Why would I post boudoir photos, you say?
Well, why not?
It's the ultimate expression of self acceptance.
As Cora says, it's time to bring sexy back.
To be perfectly honest, the photos posted to the public here are the tame ones.

I like what Handcrafted Hitching Post says about her shoot,
"Even if you don't have a perfect model body, I still encourage you to do a boudoir shoot. It was so empowering, and really boosted my self esteem! I never thought I'd get a chance to feel like a Victoria's Secret model, or like I was on ANTM. I'm just amazed that I can look that good..."

She also talks about how some people will be shocked by the fact she posted these online, but really, how different is it from photos on Facebook of girls in bikinis at the beach?

I went online and looked through photographer's galleries to see what resonated with me.
I ended up choosing Sherry Martin of Sherry Martin Photography

Make-up and hair by Jackie Ellis of Je'llis Faces

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